When you are in the closet you drag people around you into the closet. People who have made a choice to not be there. And you treat those people disrespectfully because of your being in the closet. You said it - I can't make those choices because I would be criticised by my community. So don't. Be straight.
So I can't visit with you - I will never be invited to your house because I say the word Dyke and I am out. I represent the indefensible thing you can't show your friends about you. That is an insult to me. The fact that you look around you to see who hears what we say. The fact that you can't commit to a friendship. The fact that you choose people who hate homosexuals - bigots - and hide.
These are red flags to someone who has their self together. They should not and would not submit to that insult. You have internalized homophobia, or love the drama of the on-off switch. This is your stuff to sort out. You don't need anyone else to help you sort it out. But so you know, what you would offer a girl or offer a friend over this time while you're figuring it out is - not much. Not right.
I was prepared to reconsider friendship with you when your girl-crush chose heterosexuality - often homosexuality is girl-specific. And then you would return to being heterosexual and we could have had fun. But I don't do closet cases. I don't do them because once you've said to someone come out, everything after that is them with their hand on the drama button.
If you want to stay in the closet, then hang with other people who are damaged enough to want to be there. A closet support group if you will. But don't harm other people by dragging them in there. I don't have that shame thing and your shame thing makes you unfriendable, and it's a harmful and ugly trait.
It's going to take you a long time to get past it. Start now. If I were you I would make a command decision to do it now. The sooner you pull that band aid off the sooner you can start choosing healthy people as friends and family. The damaged bigots (inside you and outside you) are not healthy people to hang with.
But if you choose not to come out, stop moaning. If you want to stay in the closet, get used to how it looks and stop complaining. It's your choice, you made it, live with it gracefully.
This is what I have to say. Don't speak to me about it again. Perhaps years from now we will go for coffee and laugh about this, but right now I don't want to be your friend. Not because I am angry with you, but because you aren't in a space to be a good friend and I preserve a healthy space around me.
So I can't visit with you - I will never be invited to your house because I say the word Dyke and I am out. I represent the indefensible thing you can't show your friends about you. That is an insult to me. The fact that you look around you to see who hears what we say. The fact that you can't commit to a friendship. The fact that you choose people who hate homosexuals - bigots - and hide.
These are red flags to someone who has their self together. They should not and would not submit to that insult. You have internalized homophobia, or love the drama of the on-off switch. This is your stuff to sort out. You don't need anyone else to help you sort it out. But so you know, what you would offer a girl or offer a friend over this time while you're figuring it out is - not much. Not right.
I was prepared to reconsider friendship with you when your girl-crush chose heterosexuality - often homosexuality is girl-specific. And then you would return to being heterosexual and we could have had fun. But I don't do closet cases. I don't do them because once you've said to someone come out, everything after that is them with their hand on the drama button.
If you want to stay in the closet, then hang with other people who are damaged enough to want to be there. A closet support group if you will. But don't harm other people by dragging them in there. I don't have that shame thing and your shame thing makes you unfriendable, and it's a harmful and ugly trait.
It's going to take you a long time to get past it. Start now. If I were you I would make a command decision to do it now. The sooner you pull that band aid off the sooner you can start choosing healthy people as friends and family. The damaged bigots (inside you and outside you) are not healthy people to hang with.
But if you choose not to come out, stop moaning. If you want to stay in the closet, get used to how it looks and stop complaining. It's your choice, you made it, live with it gracefully.
This is what I have to say. Don't speak to me about it again. Perhaps years from now we will go for coffee and laugh about this, but right now I don't want to be your friend. Not because I am angry with you, but because you aren't in a space to be a good friend and I preserve a healthy space around me.
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