Skip to main content

Condoms should be everywhere, especially in school bathrooms

Flashback Friday, a column on feminist notions...

It's statistically normal for kids to have sex from age 12. Does that make it desirable? Safe? Emotionally fulfilling? Irrelevant. No matter what we think of sex at 12, kids are still having it. Honestly, do you think that anything we do or say will stop it? If we know there are condoms in the ablution block, being dispensed for free (knowledge) does that mean we have to run out there and have sex (permissiveness). Or is permissiveness what it is - giving ourselves permission. Is sex voluntary for boys at 12? Is sex voluntary for girls at 12? Even if these two questions illustrate how you think about permissiveness - that for boys it's permission, and for girls it's coercion or sluttishness, they are still doing it. It doesn't matter what you think. It's irrelevant what you think.

Should we return to a repressive Victorian society? If we never see breasts, it's titillating to see them when we do. If we see breasts all the time, we don't really notice when we see them. Perhaps we should overkill (bondage). Are we afraid that children will think (bondage) is normal - and what will happen if they do? They might try (bondage), they might try the (missionary position), they will decide which they prefer, they will get on with it and be happy. (Bondage) is a safe thing to try if you have enough information about how to do it. I think that there is a role being played of 'this thing is different, this thing is frowned upon, so let me test my resolve, my power, cut my teeth doing something that's a challenge, that's a rebel-element'.

What you have to sort out is whether we are going to empower the 12 year-olds with knowledge, or is there still time to push the kids back into the ignorant Victorian closet. Here lies the rub.

I am going to put my stamp down on the 'I am way not giving up my access and I am not going to wish zero access on anyone'. I say the emphasis should fall on our ability to use our brains to choose. Animals do stuff because they feel like it, and they take the consequences - the chips fall where they may. But humans can choose, they can say, "I know all of this stuff, the pros and the cons, and the sane thing to do is..." They can make up their own minds.

Part of the problem is that we are giving kids information with a slant. The slant makes them wonder what is on the opposite side of the slant. Information flows in to fill the vacuum filled by ignorance, shouldn't we decide what quality of information flows in. The statistics will never agree - yes, keep them ignorant, no, keep them informed - the statistics are one thing this month and another thing that month - so what. Do you want your kid informed or ignorant. Choose.

At the moment kids are choosing in an atmosphere of ignorance. That is a problem. I say, let's put the condoms in the ablution block, but let's contextualise that knowledge like mad. Let's say, "We are doing this, but these are the reasons why - that way kids will know it is not that we want them to have sex, it's that we don't want them to die if they decide to." Shift the emphasis. They are doing it anyway, so let's save lives.


...
Cinnamon Gurl sparked this off. Thanks. Each week the Flashback Friday: Feminist Edition will feature a story that has something to do with being or becoming a woman or feminist. This series will continue until I run out of stories. I love having guest bloggers. If you have a story you want to tell and you want to be a guest blogger here, please email me; or feel free to link to your own story in the comments.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Facebook behaving badly

So I signed Avaaz's petition to ask Facebook to clean up their act or else I will delete. Wryly. I do believe that instead of saying, "But you Dumb Fucks (that's what Zuckerberg calls us, you can check, those are the actual words) signed our terms and conditions" that the focus shouldn't fall on the victim. "You wanted to get raped, you came to the bar." The onus, the responsibility lies on the powerful to behave better. There's never an onus to behave with honor, with respect, with humanity.

#RapeCulture

Anyway, I tried to get people to leave and come with me to GooglePlus. "But my friends aren't there." I ran a campaign to tell people that I'm not connecting apps to Facebook because the apps demand access to my friends' accounts. My friends still didn't come to GooglePlus.

The irony is I don't care about the data thing. Have my data. When I do something they don't like - be a loud fat ugly hairy man-hating dyke…

Poem: I have biracial hair by Zora Howard

See the performance on YouTube

I have bi-racial hair
Pantene Pro-V waves on the top
Easy to style, comb, rock-
Until-I encounter my naps,
I’m not talking about those-cute detangle with the spray naps.
I’m talking about those, slave naps, like,
No comb, brush, or man can handle the kind of naps I got- like,
No way you are touching my hair-naps like
Back 10 feet up, or we can dance naps
Those naps like-
DAMN!
I have bi-racial hair,
Those smooth and silk rafts hanging all through my mane,
Until you get to the back, and encounter the jungle, in which you can find Tarzan and Jane.
In the front you forget and relax in the pleasure,
Until you get to the back and remember pain
Baby hair slicked back with that good 4 dollar pomade,
That goes with roots and tangles,
Soaked with that same olive oil; mixed with that spaghetti sauce momade.
I have bi-racial hair,
Combs run freely through my fine breezy, just to the part, the most you can make,
Until it gets to the back and
Breaks.
I have bi-raci…

Sexual assault

If sexual assault always affects trust, then #AllWomen are walking around with PTSD and trust issues. I for one don't let THE MANY MANY TIMES I have been sexually assaulted and various other crimes (I do live in South Africa) be a guiding factor of my life. I have consciously chosen to trust on purpose. However, only insane people close their eyes while trusting. I don't shy away from trusting, I just make sure that I let people tell me who they are, and then I LISTEN and respond. 
You would be horrified, but I am not. I am NORMALIZED to this level of violence. It's natural. More sheltered people in my country have no clue what it's like to be a fully-engaged and person-on-the-street. You get used to it. Like children in war. It's the thing happening now and then that adds an anomalous punctuation to your life. You can't spend every day crying. The country is economically stuffed so you have to get on with making money, to eat. It makes you more articulate about…