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Showing posts from 2010

A poem


Get up,
stand up,
toughen up,
tighten up.

Smudge dark circles
Under your dark eyes
Flat tension built
from mouse to train
and back again

A death grip
A fear trip


Sniffing Out Criminals

IF You Can't Confront Criminals, Drive Them To Distraction.  That seems to be the theory behind a new wave of tactical tricks becoming more popular among urban cops. These "touch-free" techniques use sounds, smells and subterfuge to thwart crime and pose less risk of violence. For police departments faced with budget cuts, limited manpower and accusations of police brutality, they can be a kinder, gentler — and cheaper — way of keeping the streets safe.VIOLINS VS. VIOLENCE Blaring classical music chases gangs away from subway stations, parking lots and malls. Cops in Britain tried this first. But what happens if the vagrants love Wagner? UNSEXY ODORS L.A. cops smear skunk-smelling gel to clear prostitutes and johns from crack houses. Next up: stinky gun pellets to scatter them from afar. ICE CREAM COPS After police hid out in a Good Humor truck in Chicago, dealers ran from even regular trucks' chimes. D.C. cops got the same result wi…

Hi5 social networking site has a virus (2010)

eHow: How to get rid of the Hi5 virus:

Easy Tweaks: How to delete your Hi5 account

Neither of these things worked, so I put a filter on my email address on serverside to prevent the email from being sent to my machine.

5 common blogging tips that aren't true (a précis by fetsiboomsticks)

Spend money on your blog. Spend it on domain name and hosting, the rest is ornamentation.Be yourself. Purple cows are more noticeable than little grey men.Don't guest post. It diverts your energy from your blog with little reward (I don't agree with this point).Post quality not quantity. Be sustainable.Blog about your passion. Even if there's competition for keywords, if you know your stuff you are in (similar to the anti-copyright argument, that copyright is there to protect the mediocre - then the mediocre can at least sell their (book) to 100 people, instead of relying on vitalness).And remember, advice is not 'law of the universe'.

Source: Rob Cubbon

Poem: I have biracial hair by Zora Howard

See the performance on YouTube

I have bi-racial hair
Pantene Pro-V waves on the top
Easy to style, comb, rock-
Until-I encounter my naps,
I’m not talking about those-cute detangle with the spray naps.
I’m talking about those, slave naps, like,
No comb, brush, or man can handle the kind of naps I got- like,
No way you are touching my hair-naps like
Back 10 feet up, or we can dance naps
Those naps like-
I have bi-racial hair,
Those smooth and silk rafts hanging all through my mane,
Until you get to the back, and encounter the jungle, in which you can find Tarzan and Jane.
In the front you forget and relax in the pleasure,
Until you get to the back and remember pain
Baby hair slicked back with that good 4 dollar pomade,
That goes with roots and tangles,
Soaked with that same olive oil; mixed with that spaghetti sauce momade.
I have bi-racial hair,
Combs run freely through my fine breezy, just to the part, the most you can make,
Until it gets to the back and
I have bi-raci…

Many ways to Really Live

Ah but what other ones can I come up with… extend the list, turn it into a ToDo list that's crazy-long.

Get outside
Savor food
Create a morning ritual
Take chances
Follow excitement
Find your passion
Get out of your cubicle
Turn off the TV
Pull away from the internet
Rediscover what's important
Eliminate everything else
Be positive
Open your heart
Kiss in the rain
Face your fears
When you suffer, suffer
Slow down
Touch humanity
Play with children
Talk to old people
Learn new skills
Find spirituality
Take mini-retirements
Do nothing
Stop laying video games
Watch sunsets, daily
Stop reading magazines
Break out of ruts
Stop watching the news
Laugh till you cry
Lose control
Make an awesome dessert
Try something new, every week
Be in the moment
Run with dogs, sleep with cats
Keep busy with meaningful stuff
Watch people you admire
Solve bigger problems than yours

Original idea source: 39 Ways to Live, not just exist (by Leo Babauta )

To-Do lists

The normal list-making that I do goes like this.

• think of something
• get out iPhone and send myself an email
• first word of subject - Task.
e.g. Task. Get tickets at Computicket for Pandora

I filter my emails that 'Task' gets a favorite star and a Tag (label) called Task. I can then easily see what the tasks are. I can also search for Task and it will show me all my emails that begin with the word Task, and I sort that list by date. As soon as I have done the Task, I simply take off the favorite star and Archive and it archives to the folder Task. Then I can even look and see what I have already done. That feels good!

This way I can see how many Tasks I have on hand. I can see that there are 29 Tasks in my inbox - 30 is my limit. When I hit 30, I take two hours each day and kill them. Thwack!

Then there are the long-term tasks, e.g. LT Task. Website idea for jobless people. "LT"…

Advice from Alice Walker about a first next step

I advise that every one of you in this room, call up 7 or 11 of your smartest, staunchest, and most thoughtful friends. And that you create a circle that meets at least once a month in each other’s homes. There, in the safety and privacy of that sacred place, enter thoroughly into dialogue about what you wish for and will work for in your country [applause]. There need not be a specific agenda; in fact it will work better if there is not. What I have found, especially with women’s groups, is that when a certain number of women get together; leaving all agendas outside the door, whatever is most urgent gets addressed anyway.

Source: 11th Annual Steve Biko Lecture by Alice Walker

How to Save Face: 6 Tips for Safer Facebooking

(This is a much-shortened version of the original article.)
August 5, 2010, By Jason

1. Know what you’re getting into
Facebook is a business. Facebook will always be free. But there is a cost. Facebook’s Privacy Policy - a short version: everything you post, every person you friend, every group you join will be made public to your “friends”, “friends of your friends” or “everyone”—depending on your privacy settings.
2. Secure your PC
What does 500,000,000 people on one website look like? To cybercriminals, it looks like a gigantic, unsecured goldmine. Updated Internet security is a must.
3. Use a unique, strong password
Create a complex password. Here’s a simple password system we recommend. You should also use different passwords for your all of your various accounts. Never let browser remember your password. Lock your PC when you step away from it.
4. Filter your friends So ask yourself this: Does everyone you email need to be your Facebook friend? Do you need to be friends with coll…

Conflict - how to handle it

• If someone raises an issue, ask them a question about what they have raised so they know you have heard and are listening.
• Set a time for private discussion.
• Don't second guess the other person
• Don't reinterpret what they are saying, let them have their own point.
• If it's confrontational tell them you need time to digest the information.
• Standing up to a bully. In a public space say, Why are you bullying me? Why does it give you satisfaction to keep bullying me? Please leave me in peace. If it carries on the teacher must confront the bully in front of the class, and the class must discuss it.
• You need to learn how to do something other than counter-attack.

Celebrities with Eating Disorders

Alanis Morissette
Alexandra Paul
Ally Sheedy
Amy Heckerling
Amy Winehouse
Ana Carolina Reston
Andrea Gruber
Andrea Marcovicci
Anna Freud
Anne Murray
Anne Sexton
Ashlee Simpson
Audrey Hepburn
Barbara Niven
Barbi Twins
Britney Spears
Bruce Vilanch
Calista Flockhart
Carre Otis
Catherine Bell
Catherine Hickland
Catherine Oxenberg
Cathy Rigby
Christine Alt
Christy Henrich
Courtney Thorne-Smith
Cynthia French
Daniel Johns
Dawn Langstroth
Elisa Donovan
Elton John
Elvis Presley
Felicity Huffman
Fiona Apple
Franz Kafka
Gelsey Kirkland
Geri Halliwell
Heidi Guenther
Jamie-Lynn Sigler
Jane Fonda
Janet Jackson
Joan Rivers
Joyce Maynard
Justine Bateman
Karen Carpenter
Kate Beckensale
Kate Bosworth
Kate Dillon
Kate Winslet
Katharine McPhee
Keira Knightley
Kellie Martin
Kirsten Dunst
Leila Pahlavi
Lindsey Lohan
Magali Amadei
Margaux Hemmingway
Maria Conchita
Mariah Carey
Mariel Hemmingway
Mary Kate Olsen
Mary McDonough
Melanie Chisholm
Meredith Vieira
Michaela Strachan
Mike Hukabee
Molly Jong Fast

Standing Up with Lead SA

1. Stand up for what’s right. If you’ve had a glass too many, let a designated driver take you home.
2. Stand up to corruption. Don’t bribe.
3. Stand up for morality. Report crime.
4. Stand up for your community. Get to know your neighbours.
5. Stand up against indifference. Take an interest in those around you.
6. Stand up for free speech. Listen to the other side.
7. Stand up for your future. Respect the environment.
8. Stand up for education. Read to your children.
9. Help instead of Hinder. Say yes when asked to do a favour, don’t look for excuses.
10. Acknowledge goodness. When you have something good to say, say it.

TED Political change with pen and paper - Omar Ahmad (2010)

getting elected officials to pay attention to your issue, advice from an officialofficials operate on reputation and preservation of selfthey are getting broadcast to all the time via email and phoned and meetings and contributionsletters work, staff picks them out but the officials read a fewhandwritten, once a month - they will call you when the issue comes upfour-paragraph format - what do you appreciate; what's on my mind (attack tactics not the person); give them an exit (you needed this information so you could do the right thing); here is the information or what information do you needsignature - establish your influenceoriginal to district, copy to headoffice

TED The lost art of democratic debate - Michael Sandel (2010)

Aristotle - Justice is giving people what they deserve. Then we argue about who deserves. The flute should go to the best flute player. What was the thing meant to do? A flute was built to produce great music. The qualities that are worth recognising and honoring the deservee.Contemporary - Golfcart, and a man who is disabled, can't walk well. Pro (golfer says give him the cart) - its not part of the game. Con (non golfer says don't give it to him) - stamina counts. Courts decided to give cart because it's about hitting the ball, but one of them said no... you can't determine the nature of golf - because the nature of golf is amusement, fun, not productive activity. Are rules arbitrary, or are they there to bring out the finesses of the game? What about fairness? Obvious solution. Let everyone ride in a cart. But the real problem of the golfcart was What abilities are worthy of recognition and honor? Golfers are sensitive about the athletic status of their game.... You…

TED Lessons from fashion's free culture - Johanna Blakley (2010)

fashion industry doesn't have copyright, you can copy someone's design under your own protected trademark with impunityclothes are too utilitarian was the reason it was decided it shouldn't be protectedthey are 'influenced' by the broadest pallettes - everyone else's ideas - a culture of copying
copyright thinking goes that if there's no ownership, there's no incentive to create... crapdesigners contstantly sue people copying them, and they loseTom Ford - The counterfeit customer is not our customer, (so we aren't worrying about copying). virtues of copying - breathes life into old trends, vast pallette, trends get established more quicklyinduced obsolescence accellerates change, initiates innovationdesigners create a signature look and everyone knows when they are being copiedjokes can't be copyrighted, food can't be copyrighted, cars can't be copyrighted, furniture, magic, hairdos, opensource software, databases, tattoo artists shares,…

TED Obesity + Hunger = 1 global food issue - Ellen Gustafson (2010)

she noticed that the hunger goes with insecurity and that the poorest nations of the world were also the most angrylooked into school feeding programs - gets kids to school and nourishes thempoverty and hunger leads to child malnurition versus education and nourished children leads to end of povertyfeedbag - each bag sold would schoolfeed a kid for year - 55 million kids fed for a yearwhat are you doing for Anericas kids - 49 million kids are hungry, one third are obese - a billion people around the world are obeseagriculture - consolidated farming - corn soy and wheat. But America doesn't export a good system and systems around the world are deteriorating. Farmers in America are fat, farmers elsewhere are starvingAmerica's farming system has led to obesity, not to mention sodasin the developing world is going to America's system and becoming obeseagriculture and obesity are one system, not separatethe 30 Project - long-term ideas for food system change, connects disparate…

Cancer lecture

Notes courtesy of a friend, who may want to be credited, but she should let me know. :)
need alkaline not acid. lemon alkaline and apples, all fruit and veg alkaline. Eat peel. Wash fruit and veg with warm water. use salt in hot water also for cauliflower and broccoli. Not that high. 4-12 alk sweet potato 9.8, 9 orange, asparagus grapes cauliflower broccoli carrot potato egg plant 4.6, egg white 4.8...below 4 tomato celery seaweed, high iodine fix thyroid and thick blood problems. Diabetics. Breast cancer. Prevent cardiovascular probs and high blood pressure. acid: all meat, incl chicken and fish 2 portion acid: 3 portion alk kumquats for colon cancer and grapesmango for colon, not if you have skin probs papaya stomach and lymph, yeast for digest strawberry good colon watermelon great all cancer peach high in iron pear good for lungs, liver dry nose throat gout cough cook tomato for more vitamins banana very ripe more vitamins, good for heart banana skin to prevent heart and hig…

My 21s lists, revisited

Some 21s lists that I made up, more at my website

21 ways to get over being dumped
Go on a wild kissing spreeArrange a dinner party every Friday night from then onStop talking about it, eventually you will kill the synapse that used to think about itTake up a new sport or exercise routineJoin a clubStart a clubWrite a book about what to do to get over being dumped - not one of those new age things, a horror where your ex dies in the end Hunt down someone the complete antithesis of your ex, and flirt outrageouslyStart a new business, something you have always wanted to do - or at least take the first step. Make a list of all the things your ex prevented you from doing, and do all of those things - every day.Dump your boring old therapist that got you into this mess, and get a new one.Take a trip to a white beach21 most obnoxious famous people
Tom CruiseAnthony QuinnClark GableGeorge BushMel Gibson21 ways to lose weight
Sweat and Starve - exercise and eat less (the real way) Three Spoon Di…

Ceara Sturgis, tortured by the 'moral majority' (snort)

Flashback Friday, a column on feminist notions...

The short version of the story so far: School had a fake prom and sent Ceara Sturgis - the lesbian - and disabled students - to the fake prom while parents organised a secret offsite prom and invited the rest of the student body; left her out of the yearbook despite the fact that she is an honors student (drug dealers are in the yearbook); tortured, marginalised, stigmatised.

I think the morality of the hatemongers that would do these things to Sturgis is questionable. They think they are standing up against a declining morality. I think the hatemongers are the leaders of the decline. They think that their children will not be gay because they fear the reaction of their parents. I think the hatemongers' children will be fearful and gay. They think they are standing up for God's word. I think the hatemongers are the definition of what God does not want. They think they are showing their children what is right. I think the hatem…

TED A different way to think about creative genius - Elizabeth Gilbert

• Eat Pray Love writer
• people ask her if she's ever afraid she can't top her success - Yes
• chemical engineers never get asked if they can top their success - why do creatives have a reputation for instability
• and there is a deathcount of creatives who died at their own hands
• creativity and suffering are linked
• in history you had a brilliant daemon who was the source of your genius and looked after you and prevented you from having to take advantage of your talent
• now it's become your responsibility, your burden to be brilliant
• Olé was originally Allah and gods name was part of events and joy
• Olé for having the stubborness to show up and be creative

TED The real crisis? We stopped being wise - Barry Schwartz

• a wise man knows when and how to make the exception to every rule
• doesn't have to slavishly follow policy
• real-world problems are dynamic
• you need permission to try new things, to fail, and to learn from failure
• "We hate to do it but we must follow procedure" - spares you from thinking
• first tool - rules, second rules - incentives - what else, because these don't work
• moral skill is chipped away by overreliance on rules, incentivism stops us from exercising our morality
• scripts for teachers because we don't trust them - rules prevent disaster but ensure mediocrity
• incentives put people in mind of how they can serve themselves - demoralises activities, they lose morale, and the activity loses morality
• DO celebrate and acknowledge moral exaplars (Atticus Finch, moral heroes), ask people around you to celebrate moral heroes
• employees should be inspired by their superiors
• find ordinary heroes
• be ordinary heroes
• nurture moral skills and mor…

TED Pattie Maes and Pranav Mistry demo SixthSense - Pattie Maes Pranav Mistry

• using their fingers. Gestures
• wants a system whereby consumers can get info immediately when they are wandering around to info -  wirelessly access info networks, take pictures, project onto a wall, new in newspaper, scores on score sheet
• contraversially, projections onto people infor about them
• draw a watch on your arm

Jane McGonigal says gamers can solve all the worlds problems

she is a game developer, game designer her goal 'to make it as easy to save the world in real life as it is to save it in games' and to persuade more people, including the audience, to spend more time playing goalsto solve the worlds problems we must spend 20 billion hours of games per weekepic win is an outcome you never thought you would be capable of, we want to see epic win face on problem solversher phd why we are better in games than in real lifemotivated to do something that matters, by collaborating, stickwithitnessgamers never feel like they can't do it, what makes them so surethere are lots of characters willing to trust you at your current levelthere's always something specific to be donetons of collaborators all aroundthere's an inspiring story of why gamers are there in the gamelots of feedback in terms of achievementsit's so nice to be on the verge of an epic win all the time that they don't want to be in the real worldtime invested in playing…

Philip K Howard on how and why to fix the problem of too many laws

Crazy PCness Crazy lawsuitsPeople are too scared to act on their own best judgmentHindsight bias is always perfect so you can always say that person did something wrongRisk would be no more (fantastical nonsense)Defensive medicine - terrified doctors order up to 200 billion dollars worth of unnecessary tests, fear makes them paralysed and they are afraid to act, contents are hot labels on coffee, fishing lure packet says harmful if swallowedEducation - 60 steps to suspend a child, teachers spend 43% of their time trying to maintain order, lawsuits by students if they do maintain order, corrosion of authority, banned running during breaksGovernment - no pebble left unturned to get projects going, and decades of lawsuits by people who don't agreeLaw - is not trusted, inconsistent, overdetailedPlayground - there will be no seesaws because Values - in our attempt to eliminate bad values, we created a world where people can't have good values.
Accountability - you cannot change law…

The power of numbers in advocacy, and some notes about cynics

When there's a group i want to belong to that promotes a certain moral imperative, how do I choose? 

The first way I decide on which of two similar groups to belong to, is 'how many members'. The second way is 'how much communication the creator creates'. Granted the dealbreaker is the quality of the communication, but numbers are powerful. 

It takes stamina and guts to speak alone. Support is a gift. Support has an effect on an advocate's confidence. If there are no advocates because the cynics stifled them, how would our world look? Activists are advocates. If activism is not your thing, fine, it's not everyone's thing. But don't use cynicism's power to withdraw support.

Our Lesbian Journeys: The Path to Finding Ourselves

Flashback Friday, a column on feminist notions...

Fetsiboomsticks at Flying Shortbread invited me to write a post for her blog, and may I just say, I was so flattered!  I have never been asked to be a guest writer in someone's blog, and maybe I'm being dramatic, but it's an honor.  :-)  So here's my story for her, and a thanks.

This is something that has just really been made painfully aware to me recently, and makes me feel very thankful for how far we've come.  Yes, we still have quite a journey ahead, but hey, at least we're moving in the right direction. 

I have a friend, T.  T is 47 years old, and I have been doing her hair for about 2 years (I'm a hairstylist).  I have recently gone into business for myself, and left the salon where I was working, and am now going to my client's homes to do their hair. You wouldn't believe how many of my clients have COMPLETELY opened up to me about their lives since I have started seeing them at home, and T …

Social Engineering effect of Seinfeld

Because the Seinfelders think differently from each other shout and scream... (of course the actors have contracts, the friends in the show can't just dump each other whenever they feel like it)... constructs a society where we get over our issues. Crossing my fingers that we can do it here in South Africa.

Why men should not write advice columns

Dear John

I hope you can help me. The other day, I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled, then it broke down about a mile from the house. I walked home to get my husband's help, only to find him in bed with our neighbour's 19 year-old daughter. He is 34 and I am 32. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him, he broke down and confessed the affair had been going on for six months. He won't go for counselling and I am a total wreck. Please give me advice urgently. Please help me?


Dear Sheila

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debris in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump itself is faulty, causing low delivery pressure to the injecto…

The Washington Post's word definitions...

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.):
The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus:
A person who's both stupid and an ass.

3. Intaxication:
Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation:
Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone( n.):
The substance surrounding stupid people that stop bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy:
Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting lucky.

7. Giraffiti:
Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm:
The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inocul…

Cursing at Work

Dear Employees
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

Number 2
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

Number 4
TRY SAYING: I'm certain…

Job hunting

Network, establish relationshipsTake time to make sure you are contacting the exact right person to give your CV toUpdate your CVMake sure your CV is professionally made upMake sure the language is perfectWrite down your career goals and desired career path and keep it in your pocket at all times  Make sure all the names of the titles of the job you are looking for into job search enginesDon't badmouth your previous employer, at most say... and then Redi said this is beyond the scope of the interview... oi... so go see more at the brilliantly set up and thought out (*cough* I wish the South African government website would have job advice up!)If you left the previous company acrimoniously don't take them off your CV, but keep them on your worklist and take them out your reference listThe one who needs help (jobseeker) must initiate the solution, must do the work, the researchReference lettersHow you come across in an interviewDon't take things personall…

Some notes about Lulu Xingwana's utterances about Zanele Muholi's photos

Before... President Jacob Zuma, before he was elected, said that "When I was growing up, unqingili (homosexuals) could not stand in front of me. I would knock him out." He later apologised for the remark.

The insult... Lulu Xingwana, Arts and Culture Minister, stormed out of the exhibition, Innovative Women, before making a scheduled speech, saying, "Our mandate is to promote social cohesion and nation-building. I left the exhibition because it expressed the very opposite of this. It was immoral, offensive and going against nation-building." She went on to say it was time for "a long overdue debate on what is art and where do we draw the line between art and pornography."

Afterward... Although Xingwana denies this, three insiders told The Times that after the department’s lawyers found nothing pornographic about the art, she then called in lawyers from a Pretoria law firm to “inspect” the work. Insiders said they were flown to Cape Town for the opening of t…

HooHa over Zanele Muholi exhibition

The government should be separate from art (and civil society in general) in a power sense. Politicians are power hungry and threaten a form of censorship in order to gain votes. And people will self-censor because of the power politicians may exert. We should not be in bed with government. Zanele should never have invited the minister to open for her.
David Goldblatt, photographer

Deeply dissapointed in the minister's attitude towards freedom of expression. She is against nation-building because of the intolerance she displayed towards lesbians. The Arts and Culture Department should respect, protect and promote art - that is their mandate. The money government gives to art should not be used to persuade or censor artists.
Melissa Moor, Director of Freedom of Expression institute

(Whatever it is) it is art, and you don't have to like it.
Jenny Crwys Williams

What the minister did is unconstitutional.  Some people's understanding of art is impoverishing, they think art is a …

Eve Ensler: Embrace your inner girl

To be a man means not to be a girlBeing a girl is so powerful, that we have to train... everyone... not to be that.My father asked me not to cry while he was beating me, because somehow it exposed to him his own brutalityBullets are hardened tearsGet girls to change the verb from 'to please' to 'to create', 'to defy',  'to change'... ' to anything'. By doing this we can get her to change the girl inside her."I know when the coconut is about to fall""I love, love, love, being a girl"

JK Rowling: The fringe benefits of failure

There's an expiry date on blaming your parents on sending you in the wrong direction. When you are old enough to take the wheel, the responsibility lies with you.Failure strips you of pretence, and you can see yourself clearly. This is a kind of freedom. You can count your blessings.You find your have friends, and you appreciate their value Choosing to live in narrow spaces leads to a form of mental agoraphobia. We collude with violence with our apathy.

Who was your mentor and what did they teach you?

How lucky am I? My mother, Marion Pretorius, was my mentor. She taught me to say "No", and she taught me to say "Yes". To say "No" when people wanted to take advantage of me, and to create opportunity for good things to enter my life by saying "Yes". "Yes" makes room for you to have all sorts of experiences, to learn, and to grow your confidence. All sorts of confidence count as tickmarks. Confidence answering the phone. Confidence organising a function. Confidence using an email program. Confidence using... confidence doing... confidence making... confidence speaking... confidence in action. And as the pile of tickmarks grows, so does confidence.
Erick Mulaudzi Humbulani asked.

The crux of the Don't ask Don't tell policy

A repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" will only allow those gays and lesbians who are already in the military to quit hiding. The (guys) in the military are already showering with gay (men). This is not about ALLOWING gays into the military, if you make a law that says 'you may not' then people will just find a more ingenious way of doing it secretly.

Mary-Daly haters, a retort

Flashback Friday, a column on feminist notions...

When women-haters die, not a peep, but when a woman who defended the right of women to have man-free spaces dies (translation in women-hater speak - man-hater), then there's a big hooha.

At least Mary Daly didn't exploit men as sex slaves, as work slaves, rape, abuse and snuff them.

And if you look closely, you will find she pointed at women too, the ones who were used to uphold and disseminate the patriarchy in families - she tried to make women aware that they were being used to enact the patriarchal exploitation tools - footbinding, infibulation, so many.

Like you. Who are 'infibulating' her.

Cinnamon Gurl sparked this off. Thanks. Each week the Flashback Friday: Feminist Edition will feature a story that has something to do with being or becoming a woman or feminist. This series will continue until I run out of stories. I love having guest bloggers. If you have a story you want to tell and you want to be a gues…

Pornography and sexual inequality, a lecture by Robert Jensen

"All my bones shake" - book"Getting off" - bookBackground - feminism - hierarchies become visible (race - see US as an empire), is a rebel - finds our 'left' more open and integral, was academic, now writes for public, doesn't like how academia works and formulates ideas, defected from TV, open to being facebooked.Q What analysis have you been doing about SA?US still patriarchal and racist and full of sexual violence therefor not post-patriarchal, not subtle, secular discussions obsess about physical differences, psyche differences between W&M. All the indicators have racial overtones - wealth, childbirth, etc. US is white supremacist society. Superior European knowledge used to analyse.
Q How does that play out in storytelling - or the mass media? Guides how we think - society brainwashes us, what are the underlying commonalities? (Objectivity) - actually trying to hide politics. How does the news cover sex assault - 1 in 5 will report it - 20% cov…

Mary Daly explains the pejoration (of one) of the words related to women

Of Death and Conscience: Brief thoughts on gender role and the values of the dominant culture in medicine: "“Under the influence of the Church and the newly formed male-dominated medical establishment, the word “witch,” which originally meant “wise one,” became a term of scorn. It took a reign of terror lasting several hundred years to radically alter a way of life thousands of years old. Millions of women who carried the healing lineage were systematically killed (see The Church and the Second Sex by Mary Daly).”"

Booty call rules

1. No sleeping over - unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.
2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.
3. No calls before 9 PM - we don't have shit to talk about.
4. None of that "lovemaking" shit - only sex allowed.
5. No emotional discussions (i.e. Where are we heading with this? Do you love me?) The
answer is no, so don't ask.
6. No plans made in advance - that is why you are called the "backup," unless you are from
out-of-town, then it's only a one-time advanced arrangement.
7. All gifts accepted - money is always good.
8. No baby talk - however, dirty talk is encouraged.
9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers - it's really none of your damn business.
10. No calling each other "friends with privileges" we are not friends, just sex buddies.
11. Calling out the wrong name during sex is OK - don't be offended.
12. No extra clothing - I don't want your as…

Is heterosexuality natural?

Flashback Friday, a column on feminist notions...

Joan McGregor
“It should be noted that normally we do not let others exploit an incapacitated person and take advantage of their condition.”

Adrienne Rich
"The assumption that ‘most women are innately heterosexual’ stands as theoretical and political stumbling block for many women. It remains a tenable assumption, partly because lesbian existence has been written out of history or catalogued under disease; partly because to acknowledge that for women heterosexuality may not be a ‘preference’ at all but something that has had to be imposed, managed, organized, propagandized and maintained by force, is an immense step to take if you consider yourself freely and ‘innately’ heterosexual. Yet the failure to examine heterosexuality as an institution is like failing to admit that the economic system called capitalism or the caste system or racism is maintained by a variety of forces, including both physical violence and false consciousne…

The Benefits of Pissing People Off - Colin Powell

Doing anything remotely interesting will bring criticism. Attempting to do anything large-scale and interesting will bring armies of detractors and saboteurs. This is fine – if you are willing to take the heat.

There are good reasons to be willing, even eager.

Colin Powell makes the case: pissing people off is both inevitable and necessary. This doesn’t mean that the goal is pissing people off. Pissing people off doesn’t mean you’re doing the right things, but doing the right things will almost inevitably piss people off.

Understand the difference.

Being responsible sometimes means pissing people off.

Good leadership involves responsibility to the welfare of the group, which means that some people will get angry at your actions and decisions. It’s inevitable, if you’re honorable. Trying to get everyone to like you is a sign of mediocrity: you’ll avoid the tough decisions, you’ll avoid confronting the people who need to be confronted, and you’ll avoid offering differential rewards base…