Skip to main content

BDSM etiquette

or, Why I Love Dan

Dan Savage was attacking (verbally, on a podcast) a man who had posed as a woman who wanted to be beaten on Craigslist. The man then proceeded to publish the names, photographs, phone numbers and email addresses of everyone who responded to his fake ad. Dan was furious because those men whose names were published were doing the right thing. When you go and meet a stranger for sex (don't do it on the first date, because Dan says you should never plan sex on the first date - that way you can get out of the second date with more diplomacy if you need to. But I digress...), you should get their name, photo, phone number and email address and then tell them that you are giving their details to a TRUSTED friend. That way if you don't arrive back from your spanking, bruised, but with a smile on your face - your trusted friend will phone the cops. A spanker who wants to spank safely and consensually, will agree. Who knew, that just like in the Vanilla World, where men bring chocolates for women and offer them rings of engagement - that there are rules in the BDSM World.

I love Dan because he says Go for it, and, Here's how to do it safely.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Grrl counter-power, I love Doris Day

Flashback Friday, a column on feminist notions ... To be fair - it's difficult to think of a non-self-defining feminist woman as anything but a tool of the patriarchy. I have to concentrate on the fact that even though a woman would not call herself a feminist, she would never endorse footbinding (to name a radical example) and it doesn't necessarily mean she is a doormat either. In fact, some of my favorite women scorn my feminism and hate it when they are judged solely on their marital status or gender. Ironically if you look at films made during the so-called liberal 60s and 70s you will see that movies align the woman's role less to what is happening politically in the big wide world and more to what is happening in pornography. The rise of the snuff movie mirrored the rise of violence towards women in the movies, serial killer paradise. Pornography always centers on the woman - probably in an attempt to hide the size of the penis. From my perspective, I am less un...
8 comments
Read more

On 'natural'

I don't think 'natural' is good. There are many things that we apply (some almost arbitrary) (some ignorant and backward ideas of natural and not-natural agenda-propagating) rules of morality. I think 'natural' is a political rhetoric, profoundly abused.  'Diversity' is the only defensible rhetoric for 'thinking' beings. We are not, of course, the only creatures that do thinking, but we are the only creatures with the power to oppress others and other creatures whose languages we don't understand.  Us (badly) thinking creatures, slowly, ponderously gathering the evidence of our badness (I see no reason for your (god's) patience with us), have the ability to decide to be better than (the fashionable) 'natural' of the day.  It is our responsibility to transcend our vileness. Just that. That one task. Our thinkingness I believe is for that. A world (constructed by god) to demonstrate this point. And we will find every rhetor...
Post a Comment
Read more

Mary Daly explains the pejoration (of one) of the words related to women

Of Death and Conscience: Brief thoughts on gender role and the values of the dominant culture in medicine : "“Under the influence of the Church and the newly formed male-dominated medical establishment, the word “witch,” which originally meant “wise one,” became a term of scorn. It took a reign of terror lasting several hundred years to radically alter a way of life thousands of years old. Millions of women who carried the healing lineage were systematically killed (see The Church and the Second Sex by Mary Daly).”"
4 comments
Read more