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Trust is a test, says Dan Savage

Sjoe, there are so many things going right! Right this second the thing that is impressing me is learning that "A relationship is built on trust" is a phrase that is vilely, disgustingly, putridifyingly, irritatingly, suckily, annoyingly passive. Spit! Dan Savage, as always brilliant because he agrees with me incessantly, points out that in order to build trust with someone who is jealous, you give them the power. They control you and you submit to their control with the trust that they are working towards letting you have that other relationship that you need to fulfill whatever need it is you are looking to be filled. They learn to trust you with babysteps, and you learn if they will abuse their power to deprive you of what you need. This is the truncated version. See Dan for details. :)

Comments

HippieLouw said…
Not sure why you see trust as a passive thing. To me it is a conscious mindset that I have to nurture - being trustworthy in my conduct, and also keeping those random demons inside caged up, which enables me to fully trust in return. Trusting someone fully is like handing them your heart on a platter - scary stuff mate!
Tanya Pretorius said…
Ooh, thanks for pointing out that my post is unclear. I was referring to the passivity of the quote, "A relationship is built on trust." I feel we should go to the heart of it, that We Create Trust, You and Me (you and me being the people in a relationship).

By exchanging power in a situation where people in a jealous relationship it hands responsibility to each other, saying, "I trust that you won't abuse my faith." The hard part is once someone abuses that trust, you ask yourself, "Is this a dealbreaker for me?" or, "Is this time a dealbreaker for me?"

So, yes that consciousness is what we need at all times, like you say, you generate your conduct and you take responsibility for how you conduct yourself. But once the heart is handed over, the other person has to actively receive it and be gentle with it. Active. NĂȘ?

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