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About Bullying

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This sentence, my only interaction on this whatsapp group,  a language classes whatsapp group, about a picture of hearts with twee words about love lasting forever... nothing to do with language.... "Can I ask that we don't post bits and pieces of not-language-learning things. It eats up my bandwidth." This is a clear statement of a boundary suggestion, with a reason. A suggestion phrased as a question. I was told I was a bully. I said to the person who called me a bully... NOT the twee pic poster, that she should investigate what bullying is, politely. And left the group.

I realize people don't have any real idea what bullying is. So I prepared this piece below.

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Asserting your point of view is not bullying. Assertiveness does not mean you will get what you want. It simply helps each party express their desires with an INTENT toward accomplishing a specific goal.

http://www.psychhealthnet.com/tips_assertiveness.htm

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Reverse bullying. The passive aggressive person is a master at maintaining calm and feigning shock when others, worn down by his or her indirect hostility, blow up in anger. In fact, the person takes pleasure out of setting others up to lose their cool and then questioning their "overreactions."

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201011/10-things-passive-aggressive-people-say
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False accusations of bullying. Staff can be just as fed up as managers with a colleague who under-performs and then make false accusations to deflect attention away from themselves. Spurious accusations of bullying also mean that real cases may go undetected.
http://www.barrywinbolt.com/accusations-of-bullying/

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Conflict avoidance. Conflict avoiders are people pleasers, who try to make others feel good and happy to their own expense.
http://phoenixmenscounseling.com/blog/2014/09/29/conflict-avoidance-creates-conflict/

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Respecting that others can set boundaries and share their wishes. Boundary disrespectors feel as though the one who deprives them of their wishes is "bad," and they become angry. They are not righteously angry at a real offense. Nothing has been done "to them" at all. Someone will not do something "for them." Their wish is being frustrated, and they get angry because they have not learned to delay gratification or to respect others' freedom.
http://www.boundariesbooks.com/articles/boundaries/others-resist-your-boundaries/

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What bullying is not
* single episodes of social rejection or dislike
* single episode acts of nastiness or spite
* random acts of aggression or intimidation
* mutual arguments, disagreements or fights.
https://www.ncab.org.au/bullying-advice/bullying-for-parents/definition-of-bullying/
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Using false accusations of bullying. But the term has come to be more generally used to describe all sorts of unpopular behaviour, and because of the impact the term has
http://www.barrywinbolt.com/accusations-of-bullying/
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Bullying definition
Forms of intentional, repetitive, domination
1. Physical bullying. This refers to the use of physical intimidation, threat, harassment and/or harm.
2. Tangible/material bullying. Using one's formal power (i.e. title or position) or material leverage (i.e. financial, informational, or legal) as forms of intimidation, threat, harassment, and/or harm.
3. Verbal bullying. Threats; shaming; hostile teasing; insults; constant negative judgment and criticism; or racist, sexist, or homophobic language.
4. Passive-aggressive or covert bullying. Negative gossip, negative joking at someone's expense, sarcasm, condescending eye contact, facial expression or gestures, mimicking to ridicule, deliberately causing embarrassment and insecurity, the invisible treatment, social exclusion, professional isolation, and deliberately sabotaging someone's well-being, happiness, and success.
5. Cyber bullying. Many types of tangible, verbal, and passive-aggressive behavior mentioned above can be conveyed online.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success/201701/the-5-most-common-types-adult-bullying

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Sexism. Women are more acceptable-likeable if they advocate for others versus if they advocate for themselves
https://qz.com/878838/successful-people-use-these-techniques-to-speak-up-for-themselves-and-stay-likable/

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Passive-aggressive manipulation. Passive aggressors succeed in silencing you because to critique a "nice person" makes the criticizer a guilt-ridden, bad person.
https://www.towerofpower.com.au/why-people-remain-quiet-shy-and-non-assertive-the-benefits-of-passive-behavior-and-communication

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