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Ms and Mrs are sexist, a clear explanation, if long-winded

Ruplestilt

TOE-CRUNCHING is an easier letter to respond to.

I have Pisces in the 6th House which governs competence. And it is remarkable how many ideas we have in common ('selfish' notion). And how strangely differing the ones we don't agree on are ('titling' notion). Do you think that the ones we have in common are Astrological and the ones we don't are Genderal?

I am a Libran, don't puke. I am fortunate that my Libran tendencies are mediated by my Gemini moon rising, and the cat-o-nine-tails universe I live in, cheerfully.

I was also grinning. You can't just go around naming new friends by who is gushing on you. My goodness, have some discretion, man. I compliment where compliment is due, I am not shy. I know what hard work it took for you to think like you do, that you are even prepared to engage the issue is HUGE.

Now prepare yourself, I am going to share my beliefs, but you will have to consider very hard if you are going to punish me for it.


BIRDS OF A FEATHER is a difficult letter to respond to.

There is so much stuff, so much background, so many tiny nuances. How can I cover them all? So, I want you to know that the world makes perfect coherent sense to me except for one thing. Why do computers only behave when the technician is in the office?

So if you hear something that doesn't make sense, then it is some missing piece of info, a glitch. But yes, it may also be a temporal shift - something that has changed in my attitudes or thinking because of some new additions. But still there is sense in the progression, even if all the ripples haven't been resolved yet.

Feminism is awkward territory because it has no status quo that people have settled into comfortably, written books about, and studied on the scale that Sexism has, in its efforts to prop itself up.

If you think about what real progress I made with CENSORED (Company) on the Titling issue you can see that moving forward is a slog. Now consider the sexist practices, they are already there - possession is nine tenths of the law - once you own a thing, it is almost impossible to make you let go of it. CENSORED (Company) owns the paper form and the e-form, the sexism on the form, and the possibility of change. Sexism is entrenched, and change is hard. I am sure that we are working harder to repeal the Title Mrs than the effort that went into setting it up in the first place. The hard part IS doing something about the status quo. I have consistently sent out emails, followed them up, taken steps forward, taken steps back on the Titling issue, among others. I live what I think.

Feminism, like Sexism, (and there is a thin line, one that I joyfully cross every chance I get) covers every little nook and cranny of every possible theory, thing, word, whatever. And we feminists like to think of it as a circle, a continuum. Exponential algebraic anti-formulas everywhere. Somewhere on that continuum falls the woman who supports Mrs, and who would never think of herself as a feminist. And somewhere on the continuum lies the radicallesbianseparatist. And all the bits in between are also feminists. We cannot all think alike, that is insane. That is just another Stepford-Wife type projection onto feminism.

In fact, my personal brand of feminism is woman-centered and informed-choice-centered. I have worked hard to de-focus from 'in-comparison-to-men', from 'what are they doing, get me some of that'. It is really hard to think outside the box. I don't always succeed.

And here is my 'criticism' or your 'toe-crunching' (perspective is everything), warmly delivered, because I still would fight to the death for your right to think like this, because it is an informed decision, that I believe you are constantly tweaking and tinkering with your beliefs, as I am with my beliefs. I, however, do not agree with you. That doesn't mean that what you think is wrong. So:

Our website still upholds the Titling thing. I disagree with Titling altogether. I want 'None', I want 'input field'. You know this, but (and I gave you veto power, willingly, AND you took that power) you took away that option because you have the skill to do it, you 'control' possibility. And that's fine. I don't have that skill, otherwise I would have put FPI up myself. You had the idea, you have the skill, so your ideas are represented. And I am grateful for the opportunity you gave me to support you in this endeavour, it is meaningful to me.

OK now that is out the way, back to the point about thinking outside the box. You are not thinking outside the box. No biggie, you might like the box. I don't like the box. I don't like what men are doing. I want choice. I don't want to work, that's my choice, I want to work, that's my choice, I want to stay at home with 10 babies, that's my choice, I don't want to have babies, that's my choice, I want to do volunteer work, that's my choice, I want to be the CEO of Microsoft, that's my choice. Choice. I don't care what it is, but I believe we should all be operating in a choicefull environment. And Prof, Dr, Mrs, Ms, Miss, Mr, is not choice. It's defining me in terms of my relationship to a man and how much education I have managed to eke out in an education-defined-by-man universe. It's the box defined. Add Compeer, Citizen, Person, Gazi, etc. More defined. Still not including undefined 'none' and 'input field'. Still not addressing the underlying issue that we are man-defined. You and me both.

So subtly, you, and I am sure you have no grave intentions, have overtaken FPI with your beliefs and desires. You have not included me and my beliefs, you have ridden roughshod over them. Inclusivity would have cost nothing - You + Me. I have not yet made up my mind what to make of the fact that you did this, but your infectious enthusiasm is wonderful to behold. And I have, over the years of battling the Titling thing, become aware that others don't necessarily agree with me (ya think?).

I am tired of the negativity, and love your positivity. I am tired of the brick walls, and love your pock-marked wall.

Maybe you have cottoned onto something, maybe you are right, in which case I was a part of it, even if I was skeptical. In that case, I would berate myself for my skepticism, my mind would be more opened to the good men out there. Win-Win for me. Win-Win for you?

And I still want to and love to do FPI. Any little bit of info that we collect, or create is foundational. Foundational not just to the movements that might be involved but to our personhood.

And I have come across the 'lacks ambition' thing. My retort is similar (and, as everything always is, under constant review), "Who would want to be equal to a man? They are inferior." I told you radical radical.

Are you still reading, or have you whipped FPI off the web? Don't. Can two people be honest with each other, no matter how far apart their thinking, without someone nuking someone?

Froglet
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