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Things to ponder... trivia really

  • After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

  • And whose cruel idea was it to put an “S” in the word “Lisp”?

  • Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it’s much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

  • Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did they get back too?

  • Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

  • Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?

  • Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

  • Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as “4’s”?

  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

  • Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

  • Does the little mermaid wear an algebra?

  • How can there be self-help groups?

  • How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

  • How do you tell if you run out of invisible ink?

  • How is it possible to have a civil war?

  • How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn’t live there?

  • “I am “ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that “I do “ is the longest sentence?

  • If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

  • If God dropped acid, would he see people?

  • If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

  • If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him....Is he still wrong?

  • If a mime is arrested do they tell him he has the right to talk?

  • If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap?

  • If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages?

  • If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

  • If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

  • If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

  • If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

  • If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

  • If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

  • If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?

  • If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

  • If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?”

  • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit while you’re ahead”?

  • If someone with multiple personalities threatens it considered a hostage situation?

  • If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

  • If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?

  • If the singular of GEESE is GOOSE, shouldn’t a Portuguese person be called Portugoose?

  • If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

  • If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don’t they wear a pair of bras?

  • If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

  • If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

  • If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

  • If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

  • Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?

  • Is it true that cannibals won’t eat clowns because they taste funny?

  • Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?

  • Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

  • What do chickens think we taste like?

  • What do people in China call their good plates?

  • What do you call a male ladybug?

  • What hair color do they put on the driver’s license of a bald man?

  • What happened to the first 6 “ups”?

  • What happens when none of your bees wax?

  • What is a “free” gift? Aren’t all gifts free?

  • What is the protocol if the package says, “Open somewhere else”?

  • What is the speed of dark?

  • What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

  • What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

  • What’s another word for synonym?

  • When cheese gets it’s picture taken, what does it say?

  • When dog food tastes new and improved, who tested it?

  • When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

  • When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

  • When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?

  • When you open a new bag of cotton balls, are you supposed to throw the top one away?

  • When you’re sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

  • When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

  • Where are Preparations A through G?

  • Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all”?

  • Which is the other side of the street?

  • Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

  • Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor and planes don’t have a row 13, but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

  • Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

  • Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

  • Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

  • Why didn’t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

  • Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It’s just stale bread to begin with.

  • Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

  • Why do psychics have to ask your name?

  • Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they worried someone will clean them?

  • Why do they put Braille on the drive thru bank machines?

  • Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . become Pen Pals to these men ?

  • Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

  • Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

  • Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

  • Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

  • Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn’t they be wearing night gowns?

  • Why do you need a driver’s license to buy liquor when you can’t drink and drive?

  • Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

  • Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

  • Why don’t they call mustaches “mouthbrows?”

  • Why don’t tomb, comb, and bomb sound alike?

  • Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?

  • Why is ‘abbreviation’ such a long word?

  • Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

  • Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?

  • Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

  • Why is it that when you transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

  • Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address, you turn down the radio?

  • Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

  • Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

  • Why is the symbol for anarchy always written the same way?

  • Why isn’t 11 pronounced onety one?

  • Why isn’t phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

  • Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

  • Why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up a project, I end it?

  • Would a wingless fly be called a walk?
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